But hey, beggars can't be choosers, right? Let us all thank the lovely Bar for even agreeing to show us this much. Cause, you know, if we really show our gratitude, she might decide to reward us with an even better view.

· Bar Refaeli Naked (youtube.com)

We Did Porn

"Then I would call it 'Who Killed Tina DiVine?' or 'Who Killed Max Clamm?' and all my observations about porn could be wrapped around that death and loaded with the sexy intensity of true crime," Smith writes.

Tina DiVine, who shares certain characteristics with Joanna Angel, is one of dozens of second degree pseudonyms Smith employs in the book. He uses this method, he explains, to remind readers and himself that "there is probably more to them than I managed to see or record."

But, save for some anonymous porn performer in Berlin, no one dies in this book, and so the reader struggles with Smith (nom de porn: Zak Sabbath) on an as-it-happens examination of this "detour" through the pornimondes of Los Angeles, Brooklyn, Vegas, Berlin, and Barcelona, as the narrator serves up judgment on what he's figuring out.

Smith's perspective as a porn tourist (we are all porn tourists unless we are Jack Fuchsmore/Max Hardcore) is one of such precision, wit, and education that one can coast through most of "We Did Porn" before realizing that it can be as heartless and passionless as an episode of "Family Guy" or a fucking machine.

Take this observation of attendees at the annual Adult Entertainment Expo:

These bumblers in lines, programmers, two-handed clutchers, these bloggers with their pictures near breasts, these meatstacks, sad-sacks, these weezing mouth-breathers, nodding Cro-Magnons, ghost-costume-sized hip-hop shirt roamers, these collectors, these enthusiasts, pederasts, Ozzytees, these waist-touchers, wasted brokers, jokers, grinners, tit-seekers, watchers, these bulky humans and beanpoles processed in bulk, these barn-door-sized target audiences, these red bosses and red employees and simultaneous electronics-convention attendees, these men, these fat-ass motherfuckers in their bloatiness and massy fat pants. Whatever, civilians.

Smith spends most of a wildly entertaining discourse on porn and art and pornographers and/as opposed to artists masturbating over the heads of masturbators with deft references to Cthulhu, Boba Fett, and "Blade Runner."

It is only as Smith/Sabbath encounters - and falls in love with - Candy Crushed/Mandy Morbid and Osbie Feel/Benny Profane, and learns to admire the work of Gina Giles/Kimberly Kane and Rob Chuckle/Bob Coulter that we find a little humanizing joy in that (as Smith describes a late night Vegas Coco's discussion with fellow travelers such as Auspicia Clay/See If You Can Guess) "sauna of listless hate" that might have been this book.

Not that a memoir of a pornographer's life should be touching. "We Did Porn" accurately describes America in the Zeros for a lot of people, and Smith can go from macro (the 2008 election) to micro (naked girls on his collapsing bed suggesting goddesses of a 1500-year-old sculptor's wet dream) as fast as the burst of pleasure and relief that is the backbone of an industry that employs thousands and serves millions.

"We Did Porn" is a satisfyingly weighty 500 pages of Taschen-textured text and art that name-checks (sort of) many people beloved of Fleshbot readers ("Tasha Rey," "Monty Pentagram" - I was there for Smith's first movie) and does a great job explaining Zak Smith (and his friends; remember the "We" in the title) to himself and their world to you.

· Zak Smith (zaksmith.com)
· Buy "We Did Porn: Memoir And Drawings" (amazon.com)

Justine Joli (justinejoli.com)
Dr. Sketchy's (drsketchy.com)
Photo by Justin Lussier
Justine Joli (justinejoli.com)
Dr. Sketchy's (drsketchy.com)
Photo by Justin Lussier
Justine Joli (justinejoli.com)
Dr. Sketchy's (drsketchy.com)
Photo by Justin Lussier
Justine Joli (justinejoli.com)
Dr. Sketchy's (drsketchy.com)
Photo by Justin Lussier
Justine Joli (justinejoli.com)
Dr. Sketchy's (drsketchy.com)
Photo by Justin Lussier
Justine Joli (justinejoli.com)
Dr. Sketchy's (drsketchy.com)
Photo by Justin Lussier
Justine Joli (justinejoli.com)
Dr. Sketchy's (drsketchy.com)
Photo by Justin Lussier
Justine Joli (justinejoli.com)
Dr. Sketchy's (drsketchy.com)
Photo by Justin Lussier
Justine Joli (justinejoli.com)
Dr. Sketchy's (drsketchy.com)
Photo by Justin Lussier
Justine Joli (justinejoli.com)
Dr. Sketchy's (drsketchy.com)
Photo by Justin Lussier
Justine Joli (justinejoli.com)
Dr. Sketchy's (drsketchy.com)
Photo by Justin Lussier
Justine Joli (justinejoli.com)
Dr. Sketchy's (drsketchy.com)
Photo by Justin Lussier
Justine Joli (justinejoli.com)
Dr. Sketchy's (drsketchy.com)
Photo by Justin Lussier
Justine Joli (justinejoli.com)
Dr. Sketchy's (drsketchy.com)
Photo by Justin Lussier
Justine Joli (justinejoli.com)
Dr. Sketchy's (drsketchy.com)
Photo by Justin Lussier
Justine Joli (justinejoli.com)
Dr. Sketchy's (drsketchy.com)
Photo by Justin Lussier

Time Out New York has collected a gallery of some of their favorite selections from the show, which range from the silly to the sweet to the naught to the nasty (well, as nasty as Time Out's website can get, anyway).

· "Sex Cells" (timeout.com)

Of course, given that the last photo of Carla sold for around $100,000, we don't expect that this one will be cheap. Don't have six figures to drop on a topless photo? We recommend firing up the printer and hanging a framed copy of this post on your wall. We're sure no one will know the difference.

· Topless Carla snap for sale (thesun.co.uk)

We'll tell you what: we'll consider relocating across the pond if this girl will hang out with us—and also if we can get Rosie Jones, Sophie Howard, and Lucy Pinder to get flats in the same building as up. (That's what they call them, right? Flats?)

· "I Love London" Shoot (pics @ animalnewyork.com)

The full length version of the film is currently broadcast on a video billboard in New York City's Times Square (you know, for those of you who can behave yourself while watching lip fetish videos in public). We're sure there's some grand commentary to be made about Times Square's evolution from the home of the sleazy to the home of the corporate to the home of, well, commercial fetish videos—but we'll leave that for someone who's not so easily distracted by pretty ladies' pretty mouths.

· Green Pink Caviar (greenpinkcaviar.com)

Though we must admit, it's a little strange to feel both turned on and hungry at the same time. Is there a word for that sensation? (Horngry, maybe?)

· Mel Ramos (rogallery.com, via nerve.com)

Commissioned in celebration of the April Flores cyberskin pussy, the show features, yes, plaster molds of April's ladybits, painted in a variety of styles by artists like Axis, Carlos Batts, COOP, Jim Mahfood, Kime Buzzelli, Kozy & Dan, Misha, and Small Paul. The show will be at La Luz de Jesus Gallery on May 13 (sadly, it's one night only)—but get a sneak peek at some of the art over on April's blog.

· Toy Exhibit Preview (fattyd.com)

As an added bonus, the piece includes a photo gallery of each model holding a few poses, both while clothed and nude. Because in order to really understand these girls, we need to see them at work, right?

· NYC art-school models (newyork.timeout.com)

Well, at least if you're in Great Britain, where Channel 4 will be broadcasting "Life Class: Today's Nude," a five part series that allows the home viewer to sit in (and participate in) a life drawing class—and yes, it's complete with full frontal nudity.

Sadly, the program is causing some controversy, as some are shocked by the thought of nudity—even of the artistic, educational persuasion—appearing on the telly before 9pm. Well, if the show happens to get canceled before July, there's always Dr. Sketchy's Anti-Art School.

· Channel 4 nudes: Life drawing series will show full frontal nudity before 6pm (dailymail.co.uk)
· Thumbnail star: Julia (teendreams.com)

Check out a brief clip at left, or click the link below for the full experience.

· Aprop (lamovie.net, via Violet Blue)

A high-end fashion magazine is looking for people to masturbate on camera for a fashion editorial and online video.

The video and stills will be head and shoulders portraits, beautifully lit fashion images of the subjects in the throes of pleasure. Applicants must be good looking, but need not fit any particular type or age group.

A short interview/casting will be held in Manhattan around the 4th of April and the shoot will take place around the 11th and 12th. Successful candidates will be left alone in a room to watch porn, either online or on DVD, whilst their head and shoulders are filmed.

Usage will be as still images in the magazine as well as online video and exhibitions in art galleries. If this sounds interesting, please reply to this ad to see examples of past work from the same project. The series is part of an ongoing project in which the artist records the faces of people watching different types of media, or playing video games.

Interested? Email immersioncasting@gmail.com.

· Thumbnail star: Nautica Thorn (fetishhitsgallery.com

· Surreal Obscenties (manuel-laval.de, via indienudes.com)

Frankly, we think he made the right choice about what to advertise.

· Van Rijn All Nudes (vanrijnallnudes.com, via Clayton Cubitt)

But a closer look reveals that there's something familiar about this group of men, as if we may have seen them somewhere... maybe in a history book or something? And then it hits you. This beautiful woman is having her way with all the presidents of the United States of America.

What's it all about? Justine's artist's statement makes her goals pretty clear:

I paint myself having sex with the U.S. Presidents in chronological order. I am interested in humanizing and demythologizing the Presidents by addressing their public legacies and private lives. The presidency itself is a seemingly immortal and impenetrable institution; by inserting myself in its timeline, I attempt to locate something intimate and mortal. I use this intimacy to subvert authority, but it demands that I make myself vulnerable along with the Presidents. A power lies in rendering these patriarchal figures the possible object of shame, ridicule and desire, but it is a power that is constantly negotiated

Justine, consider yourself officially Crush Objected.

· Justine Lai (justinelai.com)

Of course, given the history of nude women in art, it's not particularly surprising to see so much nudity in Watson's photographs (many of which are based on classic artworks). But we're still pleased to see that she didn't shy away from baring her own body for her artwork. What can we say? We think she's nice to look at.

· Jessica Watson - Portraits (jessicamanningwatson.com, via indienudes.com)

And what better way to get that done than with an art show? Brooklyn art space 3rd Ward has put out a call for erotic cell phone art—any dirty video, photo, or text that was created by cell phone is open game for submission. All submitted works will be curated into a group show, and the most intriguing submission will be awarded a prize of $500.

What are you waiting for? We all know you've got tons of dirty sexts just lying around collecting dust—might as well turn them into cash (or at least some artistic prestige).

· Sex Cells (3rdward.com, via blog.babeland.com)

Or, if you prefer to avoid using internet memes as analogies, here's a section of the artist's statement:

Poster Girl is a series of works by influential graphic artist Jasper Goodall, that explore themes of fetish and fantasy. Whilst the work itself can be seen as erotic art, it is equally about looking at the world of fetish and erotica with an appreciative yet critical eye. It is erotic art but it is also about erotic art - the images are a result of Goodall's musings on erotica and sexual fetish.

Either way, we think it's pretty hot.

· Jasper Goodall (jaspergoodall.com, via sexoteric.com)

· Trouble with Pancakes original art (ebay.com)
· Dan Lacey (faithmouse.blogspot.com)
· No Faux (nofauxxx.com)

Created by German artist Sebastian Kempa, Naked People allows you to scroll through a selection of ordinary citizens, and—with a single click of the mouse—magically disrobe them to see what lies beneath. It's just like those X-Ray specs we wanted in sixth grade—or at least, it's what we imagine those things would have been like, if our mom had actually let us buy them.

· Naked People (naked-people.de, via Buzzfeed)

· Buy The Final Battle Original Art (ebay.com)

· Eroti-glass by Wilson (theycallmewilson.webs.com)

· Missile Defense Original Art (ebay.com)

·Erect Penis With A Pancake On Its Head (ebay.com)
· Dan Lacey (faithmouse.com)

The photos—which feature couples of varying ethnicities and sexual orientations—offer a sweet, intimate look into the lives (and bedrooms) of New York City couples; along with an alluring sensuality that's almost enough to make us forget that everyone's fully clothed. (Almost.)

· In The Bedrooms (nytimes.com, via nerve.com)
· TribbleMancenido (tribblemancenido.com)

We'd like to encourage all of our readers to show their support for Dan Lacey—and, by extension, for all artists who choose to use eBay to sell their work. Nudity has long been a part of fine art, there is nothing deviant or depraved about depicting the human body. And those who would take away our right to enjoy erotic arts need to be taught lesson.

Please, spread the word about this. Email eBay to express your support of erotic art, blog about the importance of artistic freedom, and let the wouldbe censors know that we will not stand for their petty, closeminded attitudes. Seriously, anyone who thinks that a picture of a fully clothed America Ferrara should be considered "child porn" should not be setting the standards for the rest of us.

· “Obama Porn” Artist Shifts From Obama PornTo Implied Child Porn and Full Frontal Nudity on Ebay (jdlong.wordpress.com)
· Alamo City Pundit Leads Drive To Have Paintings Removed From Ebay (faithmouse.blogspot.com)

Now, you might feel differently, but when we're approached by the creator of "Camp Lei" (aka a painting of naked Obama and a unicorn), we don't ask questions or give him any lip: we smile politely and happily agree to run his erotic mouse porn comic once a week. Enjoy!

· Faithmouse Madonna Cartoon Original Art (ebay.com)
· Dan Lacey (faithmouse.com)

Haven't we all fantasized about those girls who will uncomplainingly throw their legs behind their heads and smile daintily while they wait for the gift of your bludgeoning manhood?

So what do you get when you put pretty pink pussies together with delicate diminutive dancers? Why, an exponentiation of that base animalistic desire to, well, pull the petals off those flowers, of course. And then, you know, fuck those flowers into submission so heartily that they'll remember your name every time it smarts when they do a plié.

. . .

Ladislava (britishcoeds.com)

Two Met-Art Ballerinas (ammlovely.com)

Yanna (hegre-art.com)

Paloma (britishcoeds.com)

Two More Met-Art Ballerinas (ammlovely.com)

Alya (steamy-girls.com)

Annette (trulyz-teens.com)

Yet Another Met-Art Ballerina (hiporn.com)

Daisy (ddfcash.com)

Dr. Sketchy's Anti-Art School offered a tribute to the original alt model, with the equally inspirational Darenzia donning some Bettie-inspired outfits for an afternoon of art modeling. Though it's not quite the same as being in the presence of the actual Bettie Page, well, we're pretty sure it's close.

. . .

· Dr. Sketchy's Anti-Art School (drsketchy.com)