For every Pussy Snorkel or Aneros Stimulator that comes on the market, there are dozens, maybe even hundreds of sex-related devices that haven't made the transition from drawing board to production line. Join us while we explore the hidden, moist recesses of the US Patent Office registry to find a selection of sex aids whose time hasn't come ... yet.

US#6723031: Feminine toning balls
"These feminine toning balls comprise a durable device having metal balls connected to each other with a cord and a hard rubber exterior coating, with the cord extending from end of the toning balls for easy retrieval. The coating seamlessly covers said metal balls and is thick enough for the toning balls to withstand repeated uses. There are 2 to 5 spherical or ovate balls in a set, which can be used to promote vaginal health and sexual enjoyment."

US#6694980: Prophylactic Garment for Safer Sex
"A prophylactic system or kit that prevents the transmission of disease-producing microorganisms and spermatozoa by acting as a sexual barrier and sexual aid. The invention comprises an undergarment that allows sex acts while the garment is worn and that absorbs the fluids associated with the sex act, at least one pocket, sexual aids, and safer-sex information."

US#5920923: Hydro-therapeutic stimulator
"A spa of a type including a tub for holding water and a user, in particular, a female user. The spa has a seat for supporting the female user in a seated position, a circulation pump having an inlet connected to the tub for drawing water from the tub, and an outlet connected to the tub for discharging the drawn water back to the tub. A discharge nozzle is located within the tub and connected to the outlet, mounted to the seat so that the discharged water from the circulation pump automatically aligns with and is directed to stimulation points (e.g., the clitoris) of the female user when the female user sits in the seat."

(Update A Fleshbot reader who wasn't up past midnight working on this post tells us "You should have looked closer at the inventor of the 'Hydro-Theraputic Stimulator'. None other than Penn Jilette! Does that guy rock or what?" Thanks, Louis!)

US#5385154: Couple's intimacy reciprocating and pivoting two seat assembly
"An intimacy chair assembly and method to assist a human couple to engage in sexual intercourse with reduced effect of gravity or the reduced expenditure of substantial energy including a pair of facing seats for the couple, the assembly being capable of reciprocating movement of at least one seat selectively continually toward and away from the other seat in a substantially longitudinal direction and of selectively continually pivoting said one seat about an upright axis."

US#5787892: Anal Orgasm Monitor
"A device for determining the contractions of an anal sphincter and associated muscles comprising a core formed in a generally cylindrical configuration from a relatively rigid plastic material having a distal end and a proximal end, the core having a central section of a reduced diameter and an axial length, sheet material formed of a flexible essentially inelastic plastic material with an adhesive securing the sheet material to the core and a head adjacent to the distal end of the core, the proximal end of the head being located adjacent to the distal end of the central section and with the distal end of the head being of a reduced diameter."

US#5501650: Automated Masturbatory Device
"A variable speed motor powering a crankshaft driven sealed transducer producing pneumatically induced reciprocating motion of a receiver when a male organ is inserted. The present invention employs a hermetic system to prevent loss of synchronization. The receiver is designed with an inner liner compliant enough to accommodate a plurality of sizes and shapes of male penises. The present invention produces a stroke of approximately 3 inches at a frequency of up to 350 per minute."

(Big thanks to Avi for the inspiration and research assistance.)

More fun with sex patents: Patent of the Week ("Sex" section @ patentoftheweek.com) and PervScan: Patents (pervscan.com)
 

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