Seriously, if someone has taken advantage of you? THEIR ACTIONS ARE NOT YOUR FUCKING RESPONSIBILITY. In that circumstance, all you can possibly do is to try to get safe and then try to recover. This blame-the-victim shit is driving me absolutely insane.

I fortunately have never been the victim of anything like this, but my heart absolutely breaks for those of you who have dealt with sexual assault. I think you're all brave and amazing for merely dealing with the fact that it happened. If you were in a position where you could tell someone what happened, and your assailant was brought to justice as a result, that is awesome, but it's NOT THE VICTIM'S FAULT THAT IT HAPPENED.

I grew up in South Dakota. Spent the first 18 years of my life there. I still harbor some sentimentality about where I grew up; my parents and family are all still there.

Some of my friends weren't lucky enough to get out of the damn state. Most of the up-and-coming youngsters move to Sioux Falls as soon as they can. Or they made one mistake, were forced into a shotgun wedding, had the baby, dropped out of school, and now live as a farmwife.

Fewer and fewer kids are taking over their parents' farms. My mom and dad are in great health, but I honestly don't know what's going to happen to their hundreds of square miles of farmland and grazing land. Because I sure as hell am not going back there.

From one ex-South Dakotan to all of you folks: consider donating to the North Dakota, South Dakota, and Minnesota Planned Parenthood.

@Archetype: You're missing out on absolutely nothing.

I guess it's a little bit like...y'know how when you watch a car commercial and the car's wheels seem to be rotating backwards? Because your eyes see everything all at once, but film is a matter of frames-per-second, so each discrete "snapshot" captures the wheels at a different point in their rotation.

I am a HOT SWAMP-MESS by the time I get from the Port Authority to my office. I do not want my coworkers to see me looking like I just ran a marathon. I sweat like no one's business.

I fear bright colors. I worry that they will attract BEES.

Also, does anyone else suffer from the problem of Monochromatic Wardrobe? I'm so lazy that all I ever buy is black, but I'm beginning to worry that people are going to think I only have one outfit. Also it gets hard to locate things in my floordrobe when everything is pitch-black.

I think just about ANY low-profile sandal with minimal coverage is bad news in this town.

@BeckySharper: I cannot lounge around without underwear on. Isn't that weird? I just can't relax. I can't care about bras, since I learned that I fail the pencil test, but if I don't have cotton panties on, I feel like my vadge is outta control. Even if it's like, not doing anything. In fact it's probably just chillin'.

It's thrown my coworkers for a loop, too, because I'm kind of...butchy.

They're also easy to stash in your tote for when you throw on more presentable footwear.

It's just as comfy for lounging in front of my Macbook as it is presentable for important boardroom meetings.

Also none of my jeans fucking fit me right now, so there's that.

I feel so bad for this poor kid. I don't care what he thought he was doing or how "macho" he acted: when you are 12 years old you cannot give informed consent.

It's like the person who put together this cover was like "Layer...style? What are layer styles?"

As robot ninja spy, of the guild of calamitous intent says, the idea of a male as victim is really horrifying, and most of us are shuddering with revulsion over this case, obvs.

But if this victim were one year older, and female, and was being victimized by an older man, I wonder how many people would side with the lawyer, saying, "Don't infantilize her! Teens have sex. It's a grey area!"

It's sad and sick all the way around.

And the kid was her "pursuer"? Look, 12-year-olds can do some dumb stuff, but they do it because they're TWELVE. Lady, you're honestly gonna say that since some pre-teen was hitting on you, you couldn't resist his "machismo"? HE'S A LITTLE KID.

...Am I too far off the mark?

Kardashian, I already have a big butt and I'm an attention whore. And I smell like a BLT right now. The odds are against you, here. Just sayin'.

However, this time around, it's awesome to be Chewbacca.

Seriously, stop being more clever than I am. Or I'll squeal on you.

Sorry. Even I wouldn't consume pork in this fashion.

Also, between this, the Cadbury Creme eggs, and the donutburgers, I'm in food-thread heaven today.

However, the moddle in the Spongebob garment-bag cracks my shit up. She's like "this thing is so over-the-top ridiculous that I am smirking. SMIRKING! Har har, I am a hot-water-bottle cozy."

I'll bough gracefully out of this so as not to derail the discussion. I wouldn't want to get axed.

Or, "Sit back down - I already took out the trash and cleaned up the kitchen for the night."