Elizabeth Lambert Is Now America's Greatest Villain

The internet is both titillated and enraged (pretty standard for the internet, actually) over the video of an angelic young soccer player nearly decapitating her opponent via ponytail yanking. But does she deserve your scorn or your pity? [Deadspin]

What Terrible Football Organization Will You Be Protesting This Weekend?

Are you a football fan? Then there's a good chance your favorite team sucks. Sorry. But if you really want people to feel your pain, you'll organize some sort of protest of upper management, because that always makes things better. [Deadspin]

You Really Don't Want To See This

Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to tips@deadspin.com. Subject: Morning crap. [Deadspin]

Sports-O-Ween III: Season Of The Itchy Sweatpants

You people just will not let this go, will you? Just moments after I put up the last gallery of unfortunate costume horrors, my inbox was flooded with still more masquerade submissions. Seriously, folks, this is becoming a sickness. [Deadspin]

We're Sorry Your Blog Won't Get Mentioned On SportsCenter Anymore

In case you hadn't noticed, ESPN has ended their morning "Blog Buzz" feature, which was their way of sweet talking the three-dimensional circle of sports blogs. They stopped broadcasting it....let's see...a little over two weeks ago. That's weird, right? [Deadspin]

Deleted Scenes From The Sports Guy Book Tour

Bill Simmons' book tour continues apace (NY Times #1 bestseller!) and we also continue to get dispatches from fans of overweight literature. Enjoy these tales of long lines, blurry photographs, and some guy who likes autographed meat. [Deadspin]

Joe Girardi Helps Car Crash Victim On Way From Game 6

Driving home from Yankee Stadium last night, drunk with power (and champagne!), Girardi stopped to help an accident victim, even though each World Series winner is specifically granted the right to run over one pedestrian, no questions asked. [LoHud/Slanch] [Deadspin]

Isiah Thomas Continues His Formula For Success

Florida International begins its march to the upper echelon of D-I basketball by playing its first exhibition game under their new head coach....and losing to an NAIA school coached by Rollie Massimino. Exactly as planned. [AP/SB/RTC] [Deadspin]

Sadly, All The Clever Headline Writers Were At The Game

Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to tips@deadspin.com. Subject: Morning crap. [Deadspin]

The Sports-O-Ween That Wouldn't Die

Halloween is long gone, but people still keep submitting their terribly lame and occasionally offensive sports costumes so that we can post them on this site and embarrass their loved ones. Who are we to deny them their infamy? [Deadspin]

Cheap Shots? That's Just The Way Georgia and Florida Play Football

There's been a lot of debate about Brandon Spikes' cat scratch fever on Washaun Ealey, but there's one point on which everyone seems to agree. Both Georgia and Florida play extremely dirty football and that's the way they like it. [Deadspin]

Tyler Hansbrough Expands His Acting Resume

He doesn't just rescue lost puppies! Psycho T has more range than a B-2 Bomber and twice the power to devastate your soul. Wow. [Rush The Court] [Deadspin]

The Bandwagon Is Actually A Nissan Truck (STILL MORE UPDATES)

Updates Yankee/Cowboy fans come out of the woodwork to defend themselves below... [Deadspin]

Popeye Jones Arrested, Gets Free Makeover From Police

Former Maverick draft pick and current Dallas assistant Popeye Jones was popped himself this weekend—nailed with a DUI and the nailed in the face when he resisted arrest. Ahhh, that's justice ... Texas style! [Deadspin]

How Many Polish Soccer Goalies Does It Take To Write A Homophobic Book?

Arek Onyszko was kicked off his Danish soccer club after writing a book titled "Fucking Polack" (seriously), including passages like "I hate gays, I really do." Really? Because the Chinese character tattoos on your beautifully sculpted abs say otherwise. [Brooks] [Deadspin]

Owning A Russian Basketball Team Can Be Hazardous To Your Health

If future Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov ever invites you to watch a game in the owner's box, don't accept. Not only will you be stuck watching the Nets, there's a decent chance you'll be caught up in an assassination attempt. [Deadspin]

Tells Us Something We Don't Know, Anonymous Sign Maker

Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to tips@deadspin.com. Subject: Morning crap. [Deadspin]

The Terrifying Horrors Of Sports-O-Ween

We've tallied the results and as suspected....your Halloween costumes kind of stunk. Don't sweat it though. At least you weren't burned alive for going to a Scottish soccer match dressed as a sheep. [Deadspin]

FOX Sports Sends A Message: "We Are Shameless Corporate Whores"

Obviously, the FOX television network is not known for subtlety or restraint when it comes to shilling for its various synerg-tatsic properties, but their ridiculous Avatar promos on Sunday redefined crappy product placement (for crappy products.) [Deadspin]

Brandon Spikes Will Blind You If He Has To (Update)

If Georgia's Washaun Ealey didn't want his eyes gouged out by Florida's Brandon Spikes, then maybe he shouldn't have worn a helmet that allows for pesky weaknesses like "vision." [Deadspin]

Another Macy's Miracle

This full-page ad for Phillies championship gear is apparently running in the Philadelphia Inquirer today (Update: They're awfully sorry!) even after the marketing director specifically said "Tegucigalpa Daily News." Even Brad Lidge can't save this disaster. [PhillyTalk] [Deadspin]

Alex Rodriguez Wins The Weekend (Again)

In sports, everybody is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Alex Rodriguez, who won the weekend by pretty much just owning these playoffs. He's like some amazing mythical creature! [Deadspin]

Send Us Your Lame Sports-O-Ween Costumes

Tomorrow is All Hallows' Eve and you may be tempted to put on a sport-themed costume in an effort to win candy and prizes. You should seriously rethink that strategy. Sorry, but there can only be one Baby Mangino. [Deadspin]

Layla Kiffin SI Swimsuit Issue Rumor Nearly Breaks Internet

For about 25 glorious minutes, the world believed that Tennessee First Lady Layla Kiffin would be posing for the next Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. "Absolutely not true," says UT. That's just cruel. [Fanhouse] [Deadspin]

Cuban Baseball Defector Already Fitting In Nicely

Aroldis Chapman's agents have been showing the Cuban baseball phenom the sights and sounds of America. And he likes what he sees! Either they just posted Facebook pictures from a strip club or Boston is unseasonably warm right now. [BigLeagueStew/BustedCoverage] [Deadspin]

Another Rough Night For The Umpires

The World Series umpires managed to botch two double play calls in back-to-back innings last night leaving fans to once again wonder if a trained beagle couldn't do a better job refereeing playoff baseball games. [Deadspin]

Rock ChalkInk Jayhawk

Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to tips@deadspin.com. Subject: Morning crap. [Deadspin]

World Series, Game Two: Can't Find A Better Yankee?

Pearl Jam is spending this week in residence at the Spectrum and conveniently offering "ring girl" updates for grungy Phillies fans who temporarily chose rock over baseball. Sell outs. [Deadspin]

Thread Color On Running Shorts Is The Most Important Sporting Issue Of Our Age

I don't know if any post I've written for this site has generated more public feedback than the controversial tale of the disqualified runner with white thread in his shorts. You people really care about high school cross country. [Deadspin]

Seriously, Juan Pablo Montoya Can't Get Enough Tacos

I think we all owe Bob Griese an apology. [Twitter] [Deadspin]