These are the numbers that will make the passing of an elderly ex-President sting a bit less:

1. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban — $92.7 million
Note to the burgeoning Cinematic Jailbait aficionado scene: We know you've been a little starved the last couple of weeks, but it is way, way too early to start perving on Hermione. Just cut it out.

2. Shrek 2 — $37 million
To remind parents what they're in for when the DVD finally arrives, DreamWorks plans on marketing a Shrek lunchbox with a commemorative thermos shaped like an enormous ogre cock.

3. The Day After Tomorrow — $28.2 million
For those of you wistful for the type of Los Angeles destruction lovingly depicted in this film, hang around the Staples Center ten minutes before the Lakers clinch the title. You'll be wishing for the gentle devastation of a well-placed tornado.

4. Raising Helen — $6.7 million
We hear that if you adopt you sister's kids and things don't work out the way you'd envisioned, you are fully within your rights to place the orphans in a burlap sack and heave them from a nearby bridge. Fucking orphans.

5. Troy — $5.7 million
Defamer apologizes for insinuating that Achilles talked as if he were "a retard that learned English from a movie poster." The character of Achilles was merely portrayed by Brad Pitt, who learned English from the back of VHS boxes.

• 'Harry Potter' Takes Nearly $93 Million [AP via Yahoo]

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