Booty Call Like A Boss: A Guide To Making The Perfect Booty Call

For some, booty calls are the stuff of legend; for others, a way of life. There's no denying that when they're good, they're really good—but how do you pull off a booty call without committing a booty faux pas?

Friends, that's what we're here for. As a team experienced both in making and receiving booty calls, we've figured out the finer points of pulling this off, and we're here to break it down for you.

Who should you booty call? In order to casually invite someone over for some adult fun, you have to have someone to invite over—which is an understandable sticking point for most would be booty callers. You may know a whole host of hot, interesting people; but which ones are booty call material?

In the perfect situation, your booty call will be along the lines of the following: someone you once casually dated and slept with a few times, but didn't pursue a relationship with for entirely amicable reasons. Obviously, this should be someone with whom there was good chemistry (otherwise, why are you trying to bang them?) and little drama (see above). We do not advise booty calling recent exes, close friends, or anyone you had a nasty break up with.

Under no circumstances should you attempt to booty call someone you have not already had sex with.

How should you booty call? In the age of digital messaging, this should be obvious: despite the "call" in the name, what we're really discussing here is a booty text. You want to keep things casual, and nothing says casual quite like a message that's limited to 160 characters. Depending on your circumstances, IM or GChat are also acceptable, but actually phoning someone to initiate a booty call will come across a bit heavy handed.

Of course, the medium isn't the only factor here, as a successful booty call can hinge on the content of the message. Though the exact phrasing will depend on your personality and relationship with your prospective booty call, the key here is to be playful and flirty without being pushy. You may be really fiending to get laid, but that doesn't mean you should be demanding. (Unless you're in some sort of D/S situation with the person in question, but that's a whole other story entirely.)

If you're particularly nervous about getting rejected, try to keep your message on the playful/casual side—i.e. by inviting your friend over for "adult fun" or "make outs" instead of just straight up asking if they "wanna fuck?" It's also not a bad idea to offhandedly mention that you're kind of drunk, as this will provide a way to manage the embarrassment of an aborted booty call.

There is no place for emoticons in a booty call message.

When should you booty call? Presuming you work a 9-5, prime booty call hours are 10PM to 1AM on weekdays, with two to four hour extension on weekends, depending on when last call is in your city. If you don't work a 9-5, set your own hours for booty calls.

Where should a booty call take place? This is, again, highly variant depending on your circumstances. Traditionally, a booty call involves inviting someone over to your place; but you may not be anywhere near home when the urge to booty call strikes. In some cases, it's totally appropriate to invite yourself over to your booty call's domicile (or, more realistically, politely ask if you may come over and provide them with sexual pleasure)—which you might be inclined to do if you happen to find yourself out, about, and horny in close proximity to the apartment of a potential booty call.

If you are a total baller, completely loaded, or having an affair, a hotel is a completely appropriate location for a booty call.

How should your booty call unfold? The best way to ensure a future booty call? Making sure the one you're currently in the middle of goes smoothly. If you manage to have a casual fun time that's orgasms for everyone and zero drama, you'll be in a good place to pursue some sexin' the next time the urge strikes. But how do you keep them coming back? A few tips:

Don't be a jerk. Sure, you may feel like you just ordered up some sex for delivery, but that doesn't mean that the person standing in your bedroom is a sexual object solely here to serve your needs (unless they happen to be into that). Be good, giving, and game, and be sure to give at least as good as you receive (gold stars for those of you who give better than you receive).

Don't have expectations. Booty calls are, by their nature, unplanned; your partner may have some mitigating factors that prevent them from engaging in certain types of fun. If they aren't able to provide exactly what you were dreaming, don't be mean about it—just be grateful they were willing to come over on such short notice.

Don't overstay your welcome. As a general rule, a booty call ends as soon as both parties have come and cleaned up. Once that's happened, assume that it's over—and if you're somewhere other than your own home, make motions to leave unless you're explicitly invited to stay. (Though if you're on the other end of things, and trying to ensure that your booty call is a repeat guest, you probably shouldn't be too aggressive about trying to get them to leave.)

Do be grateful. Someone came over in the middle of the night to give you sex. That's awesome! While you don't have to send them a thank you card or anything, a brief text acknowledging your appreciation for their time, effort, and general sexiness is always a good idea.

[Image from the poster for the seminal 90's film, "Booty Call."]