Take Your Sex To The Streets: A User's Guide

You've had sex all over your domicile, and it's starting to get dull. Why not find a new place to have sex? (No, we're not talking about anal.) Let's discuss the ins and outs of screwing in social atmospheres.

Before you rush to grab your keys and some condoms, you need to decide what kind of experience you'd like to have, and which of your buttons you'd like to push. For one:

How public is public sex? Do you want people to see you, or will your intercourse go incognito? If stealth is your style, how much do you want to risk getting caught? It's best if you and your partner have a clear idea of likes, dislikes, and personal limits.

Do you want to play it safe? If your idea of getting out there and strutting your stuff doesn't involve breaking the law, here are some options to consider.

Find a Sex Club/Party: The beauty of this situation is that it's simultaneously public and private. People will watch you have sex, but it's in a controlled environment that's safe and peaceful. On the downside, these can be somewhat hard to come by without already being in a fuck-friendly community (like a swinger circle, for example). Also be aware that the people watching you might not live up to the pornographic standards you fantasize about. Real life people will be there.

Go to Hungary. This might sound like a long way to go for a zazzier sex life, but hear us out. It's worth it. You know those Public Disgrace galleries we run every now and then? If you're not familiar, take a look. Many of those city sex scenes were filmed in Hungary, where the public sex laws are incredibly lax. We're not saying you have to travel around the world for hardcore BDSM on a busy street, but you could, and you wouldn't be arrested.

Close quarters contact? There's a happy medium between bedroom sex and fucking in a field. You can be in a public area, but find a low-traffic spot where people (hopefully) won't stumble upon you and your partner.

Take a bathroom break. Your favorite bar just got better! You just go in, lock the door, and go about your business. While this is one of the safest options, you can't take your time. Also, leave the fancy tricks at home. Testing out those new tantric pacing techniques will only extend the line of pissed-off, full-bladdered patrons waiting outside.

Call a cab. The only thing better than a backseat romp is getting a citywide tour in the process. If you can, hail an SUV or minivan for extra room to play/a bigger buffer between you and the driver. Disguise your love with simple gestures and articles of clothing: a handjob works well under a coat, your tired partner might want to rest his/her head in your lap. If your cabbie gets the idea, he might be cool with it and let things advance. He's more likely to kick you out, but there are always more taxis.

Into the great wide open. If you're the type of person thinks the thrill of getting caught will get you off, or if claustrophobia is a major cockblock, you should try one of the following options. Dress for easy access: skirts with no undies for the ladies, loose but belted pants for gents. Keep in mind that you can't get lost in the moment; these are places where you need to stay alert for authority figures. Be prepared to run at all times.

Go see a movie. Classic, right? Choose an unpopular flick, sit in the back of the theater, and wait for the lights to go down. As with the cab, stick to easy access acts like handjobs and blowjobs. If you're watching something like "Tooth Fairy" and the theater is really empty, you might even trying some covert coitus, girl on the lap style. Just don't be obvious. And don't do that penis in the popcorn thing.

Take a night stroll in the park. Darkness, shrubbery, and oddly placed benches are your friends, and as long as the park doesn't officially close, you're not overtly breaking laws. Honestly, common sense is king here. Find a spot where you can see people coming before they see you, but don't hunker down in complete darkness. You might find the perfect getaway under the low branches of a tree, and then realize you're standing in a homeless encampment. True stuff.

Ride the subway. This will take a lot of planning and crucial timing. Pick a route you're familiar with, find an empty car, and start fucking the minute you head for the next station. If you want to up the ante/get yourself killed, try some doggie style between cars. Really though: don't.

Face the facts. Most of these locations and methods require that you either cramp yourself in a small space or stay alert to danger. So be prepared for the fact that you likely won't experience a mind-blowing orgasm, if any at all. Still, give it a try! Get to know your public decency laws, plan an outing with/for a loved one, and fly your freak flag where everyone can (or can't) see it. At the very least, you'll have an interesting story to tell your friends.

· Thumbnail stars Princess Donna with Lea Lexis (publicdisgrace.com)

Send an email to Ottimo Massimo, the author of this post, at ottimo@fleshbot.com.

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