Have Better Sext: A User's Guide

So you've finally discovered that your phone is more than just a device for making calls and playing Flight Navigator—that it can actually be used to enhance your sex life through a nifty little thing called "sexting."

Well, congratulations (and welcome to the 21st century). But don't be fooled: sexting may seem easy, but it's actually a complicated dance of dirty words, innuendo, and, of course, hilariously unintentional misspellings (this is text messaging we're talking about). But with a little help, you'll be on your way to sexting like a pro. Read on and learn.

Sexting for Foreplay vs. Sexting as a Main Course. One of the first things to decide is whether your amorous texts are intended as the lead in to something in the flesh, or if they're intended as an end unto themselves. It may seem like a trivial distinction, but it's actually a key point to determining your sexting style.

If you're sexting for foreplay. The key here is to keep it light, and focus on the teasing—remember, you're trying to build excitement for what's to come, not blow your load on the spot. "I'm so hot for you," "I can't believe how wet my pussy is," flirty pictures, and the like are all ideal. Getting into too much detail, however, is not. Sure, you may be planning on covering your lover in peanut butter and licking it off of his or her body, then dousing their body in chocolate sauce and making sweet, sweet, messy love—but laying that all out on the front line builds up an expectation that may not be fulfilled (that, and typing all that out will make your thumbs prematurely tired).

If you're sexting as an end unto itself. In this situation, sexting becomes like phone sex or cybersex (but with texts!): it's intended as a simulation of the sexual act itself. Since you don't have to save your energy for anything else, feel free to go all out—but again, try not to blow your load all at once. The best sexual experiences build slowly: start with teasing, and when you're both good and ready, then you can whip out the chocolate and peanut butter covered sexing (if, you know, that's what you're into).

Text vs. Pictures. It's also important to decide whether your sexts are going to be primarily pictures, primarily text, or a mixture of both. Each medium has its strengths (and weaknesses)—it's up to you to decide which works best for your purposes.

Text sex. The merits of text are pretty obvious: it's oh so easy to say what you want (even if it's a little annoying to type it all out on a tiny keyboard). Text allows you the freedom to let your imagination run wild, and explore your wildest fantasies (in 160 characters or less, of course).

· Make it personal. As with all tech (and sex) experiences, customization is key. A generic message will only get you so far; if you manage to slip in an added, personalized detail, it's that much hotter.

· For the love of god, spell correctly. You're not fifteen (and if you are, close this window and go study for your chemistry exam). While some abbreviations may be necessary (especially in a detailed fantasy), the less you use, the better. "I wnt u 2 suk my cok" just isn't as hot. (Arousal-induced typos, on the other hand, are acceptable—and, for that matter, to be expected.)

· No emoticons. You can maybe get away with a sly ;), but beyond that, there's no such thing as a sexy emoticon.

Pictures. A picture is worth a thousand words, right? Photos may not allow you the same level of directness, but they do offer an added level of, ahem, stimulation. If you've decided to illustrate your sexts, here are a few things to keep in mind.

· To anonymize or no? If you're sending out sexy pictures of yourself, it's best to assume that they will one day be released to the public. Even if they're being sent to the most trusted of trusted partners, there's still the chance that you, yourself, will fuck up and manage to leak them. So if you care at all about protecting your identity, it's probably best to crop out your face (not that that's foolproof—just ask Rihanna). However, a faceless body shot is, of course, less alluring than one that hasn't been decapitated—so if you're ready to throw caution to the wind, include your face, reputation be damned.

· Hit them with your best shot. Chances are, you're taking these pictures by yourself, with a cell phone camera, so they're not going to be the best quality ever. However, that's no reason to just send whatever your camera manages to snap. A bad picture can ruin the mood—so pay attention to angles, lighting, and be sure to screen before you hit send.

· A word on up close genital shots. Genitals are wonderful, magical sources of pleasure, and they are, of course, beautiful in their own way. However, up close shots of genitals are not always the most aesthetically pleasing things, and should not be sent right out the gate—in fact, in many cases, should not be sent unless your partner specifically asks for them. (This goes doubly for the men: please don't assume that the ladies are itching to see a picture of your cock—unless, of course, they ask for it.)

Pictures with text. Most providers will allow you to append a text message along with your picture—this is obviously the best of both worlds. If you go this route, feel free to get creative. "I want you to lick me here" combined with a picture of your nipples? Extra arousing.

· Thumbnail star: Tori Black (toriblack.com)

Send an email to Lux Alptraum, the author of this post, at lux@fleshbot.com.

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