Hustler Continues Untrue Rampage By Targeting Jessica Simpson

By DCypher, 3:00 PM on Thu Oct 22 2009, 16,372 views (Edit, to draft, Slurp)

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Porn director of yore Stuart Canterbury makes a plucky comeback with "Hustler's Untrue Hollywood Stories - Jessica Simpson" starring Jessica Lynn, Gracie Glam, Kiera King, Melissa Jacobs, and Rachel Roxxx. Are you ready for the inside references?

Truth be told (or not), there's a whole lot to know about this broad and you don't want to miss a single moment of the goodness. And that's what we're here for: to help you break it down!

Ever since she famously asked whether Chicken of the Sea was tuna or chicken on her MTV reality show with her boy toy husband, American's have had an appetite for all things Jessica Simpson that simply cannot be satisfied. Since then, real life Simpson has regaled us with her amazing personal life, dating "creepy" John Mayer, sports hero Tony Romo, and possibly even Gerald Butler. She's also wowed us with her acting ability, which pretty much consists of her looking scorching hot in a pair of cut off jeans and then packing on an unhealthy amount of weight only to suspiciously shed it a few months later when the media made fun or her. Oh, and Eminem keeps picking on her, which means you must be famous (cough—one trick pony!).

The point is that week after precious week of our human lives, as we inch closer towards the grave, we find comfort, solace, and fascination in the sexual exploits of this once bright shining star. Whether it be outright attraction or simply morbid curiousity we can't help but wonder about her luscious genitals. The truth is, without a sex tape we will probably never know what her delightful pink butterfly looks like or is really up to, except when we use the power of our wonderful imaginations to dream the unknowable!

Or we can just buy this movie that our super cool Uncle Larry Flynt had made that pretty much covers all of that and more. While we don't want to give too much away we can pretty much tell you flat out that it is awesome. That is a direct quote.

"Hustler's Untrue Hollywood Stories - Jessica Simpson" comes out next week, but you can check a free sample of the goods here right now and see if it's your thing. We're pretty sure John Mayer will—and we hope he writes about it in his famously tedious blog. (Just kidding, John!)