Which is why he would like to share his greatest anal adventures with you, and to let you know that if prolapsing colons was an art form he would be "the Picasso of it"...no. He seriously said that.

We like to think he's referring to the artist's lesser known "Rose Period" from 1904 to 1906, characterized by his cheery style, bright colors, circus people, comic harlequins, and professional sex workers specializing in severe anal acrobatics. Don't believe us? Look it up, people. Yeah, with the interGoogles.

We sympathize completely with what must have certainly been quite a dilemma for the Canadian stud, having undoubtedly plowed the zesty anal depths of some of the most beautiful and morally challenged women the adult entertainment industry has ever seen. Where, oh where, to begin?

In the end, Everhard selects the finest of his sphincter stretching episodes, giving us an utterly amazing sampling of breathtaking beauties and their fully blossomed rosebuds.

"Big Fucking Assholes" stars Katja Kassin, Lauren Phoenix, Katsumi, Melissa Lauren, Amy Ried, Aline, Sandra Romaine, luscious Jenny Hendrix, and Janet Alfano. If their assholes weren't that "big" to begin with, they certainly were by the time he finished cramming his massive tool up into their lunch.

"Big Fucking Assholes" is out this week, from Erik Everhard and Jules Jordan Video. Grab a copy, you know, to get your lover in the right mood tonight, along with some anal ease, a butt plug, a gallon of lube, a rubber mask, and a box of fine wine. While you're at it you might want to up your health insurance to that gold plated shit Senators are always bitching about.

Now check out these ungodly shots way up into the plumbing of young babes and let us know if you think they are just as pretty on the inside. We can't wait to see how fast our comments section fills up after that last, um, crack.

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Send an email to DCypher, the author of this post, at dcypher@fleshbot.com.