"Jana Cova's Juice" Does Our Bodies Good

By DCypher, 3:00 PM on Fri Jul 3 2009, 24,896 views (Edit, to draft, Slurp)

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On humid summer mornings, as the sun beats a scorching path to the middle of the sky, we like to rise and drink a tall, freshly squeezed glass of "Jana Cova's Juice" to really get our day going.

Packed with all the essential vitamins and nutrients a body needs to thrive, "Jana Cova's Juice" is nature's wonder--like, say, the acai berry that Oprah won't shut up about. The same way sailors would suck on a lime to prevent scurvy, we suck on a healthy slurping of "Jana Cova's Juice" to keep ourselves hard and alert at all times, and, yes, we mean hard like Viagra. Take that Susan Summers!

Wait? What's that? We've just been informed that "Jana Cova's Juice" is not a penis extending super fruit smoothie from the rainforest, but rather the latest Celeste release from the geniuses over at Digital Playground. It's an honest mistake anyone could make. We thought she made it from scratch every morning with loving kindness.

Radiant Jana is joined in the release by an amazing cast of friends and rivals including delicious Latin beauty Alexis Love, scintillating lesbian Celeste Star, the unforgettable Lena, busty raven tressed beauty Audrey Bitoni, spicy seductress Mikayla, drop dead beauty Alektra Blue, breathtaking cocksucker Paulina James, and last (but far from least) the incomparable Carli Banks, whom we have tried endlessly to get to hook up with us to no avail. Are there any better breasts in the entire world than the ones this Hawkeye was given at birth? Of course not. (That was a trick question.)

With a line up this extraordinary, we aren't sure what else you could possibly want to know about a title? Just go get it immediately--if not sooner.

"Jana Cova's Juice" comes out this week. Drink down all the magic goodness below but remember, all these pictures are the exclusive property of Digital Playground and cannot be used without their consent, which we have but you don't. Just saying.