We know that secretaries are trained by attending sensible home-town junior colleges for a lot less money and heartache. Nevertheless, the liberal arts graduate in us really wants there to have been rope bondage involved.

I can't imagine director Ernest Greene doing anything that doesn't involve the fleshly transfer of power. McDonald's drive-through? "McFloggets, please." At the dry cleaners? "Extra wire hangers, please." At church? "More nails."

That is why his "Perfect Secretary 2: Training Day" (he didn't direct the original) for Adam & Eve somehow involves Justine Joli being trussed like a delightful, wriggling roast sylph by the imperious and near-translucent Claire Adams.

That is why the sturdy and yelly secretarial student Mika Tan is ground by and grinds in turn the likes of Marco Banderas and Chris Cannon, nearly ruining a suite of office furniture in the process.

That is why Kayden Kross must take dictation to the beat of harsh swats from a riding crop.

The movie will be released—as if from restraints—some time this summer. I attended the filming and, since I have memories that will last a lifetime (and because I'll get it for free), won't need to buy the movie. But you really should.

· Adam & Eve (adameve.com)

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