Is The Blowguard The Key To The Best Blowjob Ever... Or Just A Blowhard?

I know what you're thinking: why hasn't anyone made a silicone mouthguard (with a vibrating bullet!) that I can wear while giving a blowjob? Well, get back on your knees: your prayers have been answered.

The cleverly named Blowguard is, quite literally, a mouthguard for blowjobs. Designed by a dentist, it promises to "take the job out of blowjobs," making life easier for millions of fellatists the world over.

But does it actually work?

If you've ever worn a mouthguard—either for sports-related reasons, or just for kicks—you're probably aware that most mouthguards require a bit of custom fitting (or as I pretend it's called, the old boil and bite). Not so the Blowguard: a soft, flexible, but in no way moldable silicone tray, it claims to be one size fits all. And that's where I ran into a problem.

Now, granted, I have what dentists like to refer to as a "small mouth," and in particular, I have a rather narrow upper jaw. So maybe it was just my own freakish anatomy, but I found that the Blowguard did not fit comfortably in my mouth. In fact, it kinda made me gag. But hey—gagging and blowjobs have been friends since time immemorial, right? So I sucked it up (no pun intended), and soldiered on.

Mouthguard in place, and vibrating bullet firmly lodged in the mouthguard, I opened the enclosed packet of "Sex Tarts" lube, and went to work.

And here was where I encountered another problem: the lube tasted awful. Thankfully, the gagging from mouthguard generated enough saliva to quickly wash away the foul flavor, and I proceeded with the job as nature intended (well, save for the giant piece of plastic encasing my teeth).

Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I tend to think that my oral skills are pretty decent. But with the Blowguard in place, all my normal tricks were for naught: with all the gagging, and the giant piece of plastic taking up so much space, I couldn't move my tongue, or play around with pressure, or do anything really—well, anything other than just bob my head up and down on my assistant's cock, letting the little vibrator and the pressure from the plastic do all the work.

And yet, amazingly, it was a success: it was quite apparent that my assistant was definitely enjoying experience. I'd been very skeptical of this device, but it was rather clear that at least one of us was enjoying it. During the post-fellatio Q&A period, I learned that the mouthguard created a sensation of extra pressure—like biting, but without teeth—that was quite pleasant. Oh, and all that extra saliva from the gagging didn't hurt, either.

So, yes: in some ways, the Blowguard does indeed live up to its motto. With the mouthguard in place, pretty much anyone can give a quality blowjob, no skill required. You just might find that you're now required to suffer a little extra discomfort in exchange. But hey, good blowjobs are worth a little sacrifice, right?

· Buy the Blowguard (blowguard.com)

Send an email to Lux Alptraum, the author of this post, at lux@fleshbot.com.

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