Come On And Take A Bree Ride: Olson Jacks Cars, Not You

If you're thinking there might be a silver lining to Bree Olson stealing your vehicle, think again. Olson's problem in "One Last Ride" is that she only fucks the bad guys.

One Last Ride

Studio: Adam & Eve
Director: David Lord
Cast: Bree Olson, Tori Black, Mia Lelani, Jamie Lamore, Ben English, Chris Johnson, Barrett Blade, Derrick Pierce

Review by: Gram Ponante

"My father told me, just before he died, to never mix blood and money," says Marco (Barrett Blade) to Bree Olson (who plays the character Bree) while explaining why he can't tell her what he does for a living. Then he dies. And somebody who says stupid stuff like that? I'm glad he's dead.

But Bree has lost her sugar daddy, and must make ends meet the only way she can. She hooks up with an even sketchier crowd, and becomes a car-boosting criminal stealing high-end vehicles for a limey crime lord (Ben English).

But as her crew of thieving hotties becomes more accomplished, Bree gets in over her head. She can only compensate by putting her ankles back there, too.

Does Bree learn to mix blood and money? I'm not sure, but given the mortality rate in this movie of people who say that, I'm glad she chooses not to utter those words, thus preserving her glorious pinkening fleshmass another day.

But what about tender, lesbian love? Oh yes: she figures that out. At the expense of all the men in the film, Bree discovers that a woman's affection is her personal rehabilitation program.

"One Last Ride" was shot beautifully, with lots of nighttime Los Angeles competing with the landscapes of Olson, Tori Black, Jamie Lamore, and Mia Lelani. There was also an utterly non-Adam & Eve-like stripper's ass-based coke-snorting sequence. But in porn I believe that the noir is inside us - I don't need to hear people externalizing it through dialogue; it's like capri pants on the wrong person.

"One Last Ride," a sort of "Thelma And Louise in 60 Seconds"-meets-"Oliver!" with extra scoops of Bree, is like the late-nite crime caper you endure hoping there will be sex in it that actually has sex in it. It is only later that you wish you'd forwarded through the rest of the stuff.

· Adam & Eve (afameve.com)
· Buy "One Last Ride" (gamelink.com)

Send an email to Gram Ponante, the author of this post, at gram@fleshbot.com.

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