Have you seen those penis drug commericals where a kindly voice explains that you can have sex with your wife "whenever the mood strikes you"? No more fucking on someone else's time table. You should be able to get it on whenever and wherever you are ready—even if it's on a crowded crosstown bus during rush hour. Your fellow passengers certainly won't mind, but you should still be mindful and give up your seat to any elderly or disabled riders.

. . .

· "Public indecency on the bus" (PornHub)

Send an email to Dashiell Bennett, the author of this post, at dashiell@deadspin.com.