Whether you're a crime fighter, a daredevil or a Mexican wrestler, protecting your identity is important. Even the people who are closest to you must not know the truth, or all your good deeds could be compromised by more uncharitable souls. However ... even heroes need to get laid. Unfortunately, that means restricting your dating partners to those who are into cosplay, but at least they can't complain that you aren't willing to add a little excitement to the bedroom. The cape is a bit too much though, don't you think?

. . .

· "masked man" (RedTube)

Send an email to Dashiell Bennett, the author of this post, at dashiell@deadspin.com.