A look back at our week that was ...

· We're so excited for the Olympics we've decided to have our own private "pole vault" competition.
· We know you're upset about Playgirl, but that's no reason to go off half-cocked.
· Compared to Kayden Kross, let's face it—you're just lazy.
· Funny, those Barely Legal kids don't look a day over 70!
· If you get to spend time with Kylie Ireland, then just quit complaining.

· Who says all pornstars have daddy issues?
· No matter what you think of these girls and their fashion sense, at least their legs are warm.
· Maybe we should throw in a couple of math problems next time and see how long it takes you to solve those.
· Have you heard about the vaginal virgin? Save the "rear entry" jokes, because she has heard those.
· Remember, the tentacles just want to love you. Don't fight it.

Send an email to Dashiell Bennett, the author of this post, at dashiell@deadspin.com.