We have never understood the army's "don't ask, don't tell" policy. If someone in your unit were having forbidden sex—gay, straight, or otherwise—wouldn't you want to know all the details? After all, everyone loves a man or woman in uniform—and putting all those sexy soldiers together on one base is just begging for trouble. The stories some of those drill sergeants could tell must be legendary. But sometimes it's probably just easier to just record the moment, upload it to the internet, and hope that someone stumbles across it. That way, you don't have to say anything.

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· "Anal in the Army" (Megarotic)

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Send an email to Dashiell Bennett, the author of this post, at dashiell@deadspin.com.