Remember our recurring issue with marital aids that insert a level of difficulty into something you can already do with your hands, junk, or skull? Well, we were pleasantly surprised upon receiving Blowfish's functional pair of Tootsie Roll-textured dildos, the Stallion and the Colt, until we realized that they could also be stuck to the wall. Our two female readers who don't already write for us as well as any interested male parties will be delighted to know that standing room only events need no longer be unpleasant.

As often as I can get away with it, I am going to spend the summer with these dildos, scaling buildings like a mountaineer, improvising hat racks where none existed (because the elegant gentleman still wears hats), and walking into rooms filled with enemies, dildos blazing.

But let's talk about you. The silicone Stallion and its shorter amigo are both solid and hypospadic in the way the culture demands. And you don't have to mount them on a wall to mount them again; each is a hardworking dildo that can be worn in a harness or manually jammed every which way with abandon, glee, and adult supervision.

Or get two and stick them together. Whatever you do, go fuck yourself.

· Stallion & Colt Dildos (blowfish.com)