Sometimes the idea of sex toys, even if the toys themselves do not fulfill expectations, is enough to motivate one to do the things that need doing. For example, a manually-controlled heavy plastic contraption that purports to massage breasts might put the consumer in mind to eschew the device and massage the breasts him- or herself.

Fully assembled, this product looks like the female reproductive system, two full ovaries leading to a compact and sturdy vagina. But the ovaries are breast cups and the vagina is a squeezie bulb designed to suck the breasts further in.

Conceived as the sexy version of when we used to suck our own lips into Coke bottles, the Tit-Elation is a great example of the fetishization of machinery for machinery's sake:it is actually easier to do with one's hands (and remember that the Massager is not a hands-free device) the thing that the Tit-Elation is supposed to do with some surprisingly difficult assembly and strenuous bulb squeezery.

In fact, the sexiest thing about this Penthouse Variations-branded marital aid begins and ends with the first direction: "Lubricate breasts thoroughly."

Oddly enough, there was no breast-lubing attachment included. Did they expect me to do it with my hands?

· See more about The Tit-Elation Breast Massager @ Topco + SpiceToy.com