By Dashiell Bennett, 10:31 PM on Fri Mar 21 2008, 9,809 views (Edit, to draft, un-top, Slurp)

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A look back at the week that was ...

· It's always fun to speculate about what celebrities are really like in private, but we prefer to just imagine whatever we want.
· This is the longest free look you will ever get with a high-priced prostitute, so enjoy it while it lasts.
· And this is the most fun you've ever had spending a night on the town ... and you didn't even have to put your pants on!
· Retirement? What retirement?
· Another one bites the dust, and leaves some pretty deep teeth marks.
· Do you have what it takes to make it in "Young Hollywood"? If you have to ask, then the answer is probably no.
· Prepare to get your heart broken (and other things, if you're lucky) by Scarlett Pain.
· These malaicious whores just never stop, do they?
· Remember, sometimes that too good to be true celebrity gossip is too good to be true. Except when it's actually true. It can go either way, really.