To no one's surprise, Gene Simmons has lawyered up and gone knocking at the doors of sites that have reported on a certain sex tape scandal that erupted this week ... including our silicon-headed sibling Valleywag, who have just posted a cease-and-desist letter from his legal team which claims among other things that the tape was surreptitiously filmed by a woman named Traci Anna Koval but that Gene's company "Allied Industry" purchased all the rights to the tape back in 2003 presumably to keep it hush-hush. (Got all that?) However, a "spokesman" for the company currently selling the tape told XBiz earlier this week that it was shot nine months ago ... and that Simmons was completely unaware of its existence. It it possible that someone is not being completely honest here? Shocking! But wait ... there's more!

A little digging reveals that the mysterious Ms. Koval — if that is indeed, the woman in the video — is no stranger to internet nudity: she appears to have done some modeling in the past. (Mostly softcore topless shots, but we all have to start somewhere.) But is she also "Elsa", the Frank's Energy Drink spokesmodel from Austria mentioned on GenesSecret.com? Or is she actually Dutch, like this model directory claims? Or is she none of the above? What is truth, really ... and will we ever know all the answers? (And here you thought we were just trying to get more mileage out of a breaking celebrity sex scandal. Surely you know our motives are more noble than that.)

· "Gene Simmons lawyer confirms sex tape's authenticity" (Valleywag)
· Traci-Anna Koval (hollywoodboobs.com)
· Traci-Anna Koval, American
· Elsa - Frank's Energy Drink (franksenergy.com)
See also:
· "Gene Simmons' secret" (eyeweekly.com)
· "Rock Icon Gene Simmons Stars in Sex Tape?" (xbiz.com)

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Previously: Calling Dr. Love (To Please Euthanize Us): The "Gene Simmons Sex Tape", Gene Simmons Addresses The "Incident"