The U.S. Open began yesterday, officially kicking off the only two weeks of the year when Americans pretend to care about tennis. Even Tera Patrick likes to get in on the act by bravely trying to learn the sport, but as usual, she gets distracted by other matters. Or rather, her instructor gets distracted by her massive cans. It goes without saying that if Anna Kournikova had employed some of these tactics she would not be the most famous player never to win a tournament. She still wouldn't have any trophies, but she'd definitely be famous for something else.

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· Tera Patrick on the Tennis Court (Megarotic)

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