Listen: I don't live in a goddamn palace, all right? I don't have load-bearing ceilings to hang a Love Swing or enough space for one of those tripod versions. Plus, I like to carry my sexiness with me like a spirit animal.

Read our review of the Body Swing after the gap. - GP

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Like the harness that dragged President Harrison Ford to safety in "Air Force One", the Body Swing looks a little complex. It uses one's own weight to support that of another, and at first glance seems to be more work than is worth it.

"Secretary Rice," I suggested, "Can't I just have sex with you on the desk?"

But this review is important for Science, so - and remember that we're talking about the Body Swing - I strapped it on.

People who wear this device should be conscious of where they will feel the weight. In my case it was my shoulders, which are broad and strong and wondrous to gaze upon. It is also helpful to remember that the heavier person should suport the lighter person; there is no weight displacement, there is only a jujitsu-like effect of having another person doing some of the work.

But the Body Swing is not conducive to multiple positions or, in fact, anything that seems spontaneous. What it was was fun. I can imagine Cenobites having sex this way, or perhaps firefighters. It is definitely an experience worth trying, especially with the understanding that, once it's on, it's best to go for the long haul.

I was given some comfort by the fact that even the guy in the ad photograph doesn't quite know what to make of the Body Swing.

· Buy The Love Swing (adameve.com)

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Previously: Marital Aid Test Kitchen Archive

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