· A recap of the first UK Masturbate-A-Thon, introduces some of the participants and gets in a few digs at America's puritanical ways. Sometimes we forget how touching ourselves can win the culture war. (observer.guardian.co.uk)

· Pornstars have been given permission to ride motorcycles through Auckland, New Zealand without their clothes on. Why, you ask? Does it really matter? (news.com.au)

· The key to a successful home burglary is speed and stealth. Logging on to your victim's computer so you can masturbate to online porn accomplishes neither of those objectives. (nola.com)

· Thailand has banned a brand of condoms called "Good Penetration," because they think the cool name will convince young people to have sex sooner. That's right ... regular condoms won't make them think of sex at all. (yahoo.com)

· An 88-year-old farmer in India has sex every day, just fathered a baby boy and is ready to have more children. He says the secret is long walks, good diet, and three liters of camel milk a day. Memo to Fleshbot Purchasing Dept.: Buy a camel. (indiatimes.com)

· Albuquerque, New Mexico, loves its burlesque shows. Do you think it has something to do with the letter Q? (abqtrib.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Send an email to Dashiell Bennett, the author of this post, at dashiell@deadspin.com.